I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize