we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
