6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
