i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
