somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
