Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize