never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
