You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
