You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize