I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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