mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
