I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
