Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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