my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
