You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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