To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize