my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
