i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
