Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
