im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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