This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
