Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
