you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
