Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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