She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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