I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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