made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
