please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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