I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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