i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
