I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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