he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
