It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
