her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sober January is a disaster.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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