the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
