hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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