Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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