I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
