last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
These tits shall not be calmed
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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