I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
