my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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