Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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