i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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