Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
