I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
