i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Porn is love you can see.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
