Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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