Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
