Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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