found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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