Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
