just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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