I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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