I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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