thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
