I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
