oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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