Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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