Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
