marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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