Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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