There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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